


There's Hope, I Know

by l2set



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Bittersweet Ending, Crying Middle Aged Men, Emotional Middled Aged Men, Established Relationship, First Times (Prompt), Gen, M/M, McHanzo Week 2016, Misunderstandings, More Hurt Than Comfort, Protective brothers, Self-Doubt, Sibling Relationship, Trust, Unrequited love (sorta), introspective
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-18
Updated: 2016-12-18
Packaged: 2018-09-09 11:57:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8889913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/l2set/pseuds/l2set
Summary: He locked the door, and sat on the bed, thinking. Hanzo had said I love you, and all he could feel was terror.





	

**Author's Note:**

> it has come to my attention that this story can be viewed as more sad than bittersweet; this story does not lend itself to a happy ending. (slight edits made)

Hanzo had said _I love you_ first, almost in passing as if it was something that you just said, no worry or fear that he would be rejected. He had cupped Mccree’s face in his hands, and pressed a soft kiss to his forehead, and promised to meet him later for dinner. The words just slipped out, and Mccree didn’t answer, couldn’t answer, just nodding his head and watching Hanzo walk away.

It wasn’t going to work. No one had ever said I love you and meant it: Mccree had learned early on in life. This wasn’t going to work, and it had been working so well. He had thought that he would not have to fear Hanzo wanting more, making things so much more complicated than they needed to be. Mccree had thought that he was safe.

He stood for a long time, staring at the door that Hanzo went through. He just didn’t understand what had happened between them; he was happy with their physical relationship being just an extension of their friendship. Mccree didn’t need it to turn into a romance, a romance that would surely fall apart now that Hanzo would be looking at him with a more critically.

When they had first met, the two men clicked immediately. Genji had been uncertain that they would take to each other; they were too much alike and all too different at the same time. From the moment they shook hands, Mccree had known that they would be friends for life. Soon after they met, Hanzo had confessed the same thoughts to him. Their paths were always meant to have had crossed. Mccree had felt that maybe their paths had crossed before as well, in other lives.

Sometimes it seemed to him that they had been waiting for the moment when they would meet. Now that they had, now that they had built or rebuilt that friendship, the world made a bit more sense, he had felt more at ease. He had felt more at ease until this moment, until the moment Hanzo uttered those words. _I love you._

They had only started sharing their bodies in recent months, lonely and unable or unwilling to find someone new to trust. The two men trusted each other with their lives, and with secrets that they hadn’t uttered to another soul, so it made sense to trust one another with their bodies and needs. Mccree didn’t think that they needed to expand that part relationship further; there was no need to sully their friendship.

He locked the door, and sat on the bed, thinking. Hanzo had said I love you, and all he could feel was terror.

* * *

Hanzo waited at the dinner table, a dinner plate in front of him, and one waiting in Jesse’s empty spot. He held a glass in hand, sipping the water quietly. Jesse was never late for a meal, and he hadn’t seen hide nor hair of him since the afternoon. He put the glass down, and checked his phone for the umpteenth time. Jesse still hadn’t responded.

It was the first time in the two years they had known each other that Jesse had ignored him. He felt insulted, angry, and a bit dejected. If Jesse hadn’t wanted to have dinner or see him, he could have just said. There would be no hard feelings, there never was between them as long as they were honest with one another. He ate his meal in silence, and then wrapped Jesse’s up putting it away for later.

Hanzo wasn’t going to dwell on it. He wasn’t going to analyze what had happened today to make Jesse ignore him and forgo their weekly dinner date. He wasn’t going to let it put him on edge for the rest of night. He wasn’t going to let this devour his thoughts, and turn him anxious about what it might mean. He took a deep breath, shaking his head. He wasn’t going to dwell on it.

He found himself knocking on his brother’s door, waiting quietly for him to answer. It was a reasonable enough hour that Genji should be still available to him, and he knew Jesse well enough for this discussion. He felt as if he would go mad by night’s end if he didn’t figure out what happened. He knew that he was probably being over dramatic, and that he was worrying for nothing.

"Brother,” Genji greeted, opening his door. Hanzo smiled at him, and bowed his head a bit.

“Can I come in?” Genji nodded, and stepped away from the doorway, gesturing him in. He walked in, and sat himself on a free chair in the room, his brother coming to sit across from him on the bed. “Thank you.”

“Don’t you usually have a standing dinner date with Jess on Fridays?” Hanzo nodded, and looked down at his lap. “Did you two have a fight?”

“No? I don’t think we did - it’s probably nothing. I’m being over dramatic,” Hanzo conceded, feeling silly coming to his brother to discuss his worries about Jesse. “You know how he can get.”

“He hasn’t missed a date with you in six months. Not even after that time he broke three ribs,” Genji reminded him gently. He patted the space next to him on the bed, Hanzo just shook his head. “Yes. Sitting so far away isn’t conducive for talks like this, remember when we were kids?”

“Oh my - ,” Hanzo groaned, and then despite himself sat next to his brother on the bed. Genji put a hand to his chest, and pushed him back against the mattress, and then laid next to him. “What are we - “

“Everyone is more truthful when laying down. Do me this favour, please?” He sounded petulant, and Hanzo could imagine the pout on his face from when they were younger. He gave into the request, knowing that he was never going to refuse his brother this little indulgence. “You came here, so tell me.”

“This is just so confusing. I saw him this afternoon, and then nothing. He hasn’t even texted me back.” Hanzo paused. “Maybe he misplaced his phone, or let the battery run out.”

“Nonsense. He’s as attached to that phone as he is to you,” Genji told him, sounding off. Hanzo couldn’t place the tone, but he knew it. It wasn’t something he had heard from his brother in a long time. “Did anything strange happen today?”

“Not that I recall. He was oddly quiet when I left him before lunch,” Hanzo admitted. He closed his eyes, and turned his head towards the wall. “Everything was so normal, we woke up together, and got ready. Nothing seemed off until I was leaving.”

“He say anything?”

“That’s just the thing: he said nothing. Just nodded when I told him I would see him for dinner.” He heard Genji let out a heavy-sounding breath. “What?”

“Nothing. Did you say anything weird?”

“No, just the normal,” Hanzo said. He could feel Genji gearing up to ask the next question, ‘what did you say’. Hanzo had yet to tell him that he had started telling Jesse he loved him a few weeks ago, even though he knew his brother knew that he loved the man. It was one thing to tell Jesse, but another thing to tell his brother that he started saying it. He clicked his teeth together, geared himself up for the confession.

“I told him I would see him at dinner, and that - that I loved him,” Hanzo slowly, steeling himself for any reaction Genji might have - especially if it was happy for him. It was so embarrassing; he buried his face in his hands.

“How long have you been telling him that?” Genji sounded giddy, and Hanzo groaned again, feeling his face burn up.

“Anytime we plan on having dinner together I tell him that I will see him there,” Hanzo replied dryly. Genji slapped on him on the chest.

“I know that you can’t help it, but please try to refrain from being an ass,” Genji said to him. “You know what I’m asking.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Hanzo turned his gaze back to the ceiling, taking in deep breaths. He felt silly telling his brother this, even though Genji was supportive. He had been so happy for him when he confessed that they were progressing in their relationship. “A few weeks ago now. It’s not anything new to him.”

“Has he said it back?” He could hear the concern in his brother’s voice. He had become more protective since they reunited and mended their fractured relationship. It gave him a warm feeling, deep in his heart.

“No, but I didn’t say it for him to reciprocate if he wasn’t ready. He will in his own time,” Hanzo finished. He was confident that Jesse would one day gather his courage to tell him out loud. He was sure of it. “He shows me well enough as it is.”

“Except for tonight,” Genji muttered. He rolled off the bed, and went to the dresser. Hanzo turned his head to watch, seeing him grab his phone. Genji typed on it quickly, and returned to lay down next to his older brother.

“What are you doing?”

“Seeing if he’s ignoring everyone, or just you.” Hanzo snorted, and turned away from Genji’s face.

“If he’s ignoring me, he’s going to ignore you. He I got to you when I’m upset, and he’s unavailable.”

“I know, so I texted Hana to text him, and report back to me.” Hanzo shook his head, and turned back to Genji. “I don’t like that you put your heart on the line, and he’s just being - “

“A person?” Genji nodded and then shook his head. “It’s probably nothing. I’m probably overreacting. I just needed someone to assure me that things were fine.”

“I’m not going to do that, and you knew it,” Genji said. His phone pinged, both brothers jumped slightly. Genji brought the phone into their view. Jesse hadn’t replied to Hana either. “Strange.”

Hanzo sat up. He felt his heart pound against his chest, an unease flowing in his blood. It was so unlike Jesse to ignore anyone, at least not without first informing them that he needed space. He knew that he was acting strangely when he left him in the afternoon, but he hadn’t focused on it. Hanzo had thought it would have passed. He felt so unsure, or what, he could not tell.

“I should go and find him - “ Hanzo started, then cut himself off. Where would Jesse go? If he had been asked even ten minutes ago, he would have been sure. Now, he doubted himself. Doubted that if he went looking that he would find Jesse. Despite the fact that the man could be loud, he knew how to keep hidden and would not be found unless he willed it. Hanzo ran his hand through his hair. “I don’t understand.”

“Brother,” Genji said, sitting up as well. He wrapped his arms around Hanzo’s shoulders, resting his face against his brother’s cheek. He tapped Genji’s hand with his own. He pushed off the bed and stood up.

“Thank you,” He said, sincere in his words. He didn’t feel better about the situation, but he felt better knowing that it was okay to be worried. “I’m going to go see if he is in his room still, maybe. Maybe he was sick?” Hanzo didn’t even believe himself as he said, but Genji didn’t contradict him. His brother stood up, and walked him to the door.

“I hope all is well.” Genji hugged him again, and Hanzo returned the gesture. He felt extraordinarily full in his soul in that moment, knowing that no matter what, he would not be abandoned.

“Thank you.” He turned and walked down the unlit hallway, heading for Jesse’s room, where he left him in the morning. Where he spent many of his nights.

He tried the door, surprised to find it locked. Jesse hadn’t locked the door on him since they moved onto the romantic and physical part of their relationship. Hanzo had been surprised it took so long to get to this point, he had felt it from the moment they met: they were always meant to find each other, their paths always destined to converge. They progressed slowly, but he hadn’t actually minded. It was nice to have a best friend and a lover be the same person. He knocked on the door, a tight knot forming in the pit of his stomach.

Hanzo listened for footsteps or sounds on the other side of the door. He could hear nothing, the knot getting tighter and a nauseous feeling forming along side of it. He put his head against the door, closing his eyes tight, both hands clenched into fists. He blew a breath out, and straightened himself. He knew that he could go around the building, and break in through the window, but that would be a gross invasion of privacy. He trusted Jesse more than that.

He would try again in the morning. He turned, and headed for his own room.

* * *

Mccree screwed his eyes shut as he heard knocking on the door. He knew that soft knocking, a gentle hand asking to enter the room. It was Hanzo, and he couldn’t, he couldn’t see him. He held his breath, and did not move from the bed, laying on his side, facing the door. He would not let him know he was here.

He knew that he was being a full out coward. That he should just talk to the man, let him know that this wasn’t what he expected. That he didn’t want nonsense sentimentality, those meaningless platitudes. He resisted the urge to scoff out loud, sure that Hanzo was still waiting outside of his door.

He looked over at his nightstand, his phone resting there blinking up a storm. He had put it on silent hours ago, not wanting to be reminded of the world that he was ignoring. Mccree knew that he would be paying for it the next time he showed his face - rarely, if ever he had, did he not answer a text or call. He was almost always available.

He rolled over quietly, burying his face in a pillow. It smelled like Hanzo, and he pulled it from underneath his head, and chucked it behind him; he heard it hit the floor. He didn’t want to be reminded of what he was going to lose. Of what he had to separate himself from now that things were getting too complicated.

“It wouldn’t be right to string him along,” Mccree said out loud to himself, confident that he heard Hanzo finally move away from the door. He would talk to him in the morning, explain to him about everything, how this couldn’t go on if he was going insist on indulging in this strange nonsense.

_I love you._

He shook his head at the whispered memory. He shuddered, and held back a sob. People just said those things to get what they needed. He didn’t understand why Hanzo felt the need to say it, he didn’t need to trick him into giving him his body or secrets. He would gave those willingly - they were best friends. Hanzo didn’t need to play these mind games to get more from him.

He rolled over onto his stomach, and reached a hand down to grab the pillow on the floor. He tucked it under him, clutching it tightly. Hanzo couldn’t leave well enough alone, and now everything was ruined between them. Mccree could never have nice things, his mere presence would always destroy them.

He felt a tear roll down his face, and he cried himself to sleep.

The morning came too swiftly, the soft light breaking through the window gently, causing Mccree to heat up past the point of sleeping, and he threw his comforter off, groaning. He rolled onto his back, and rubbed his eyes open, then sat up. He resisted the urge to check his phone, putting his feet on the floor. He would deal with everyone later.

He walked softly into his bathroom, not daring to look into the mirror and see his red rimmed eyes from last night. He used the toilet, then washed his hands and scrubbed at his face; he owed it to Hanzo to take care of himself for this that he was about to do. He stepped back, and looked at himself in the mirror finally, unsatisfied with the way he looked, but it was at least halfway to normal.

Mccree undressed, tossing off the clothes he fell asleep in. He scratched at his stomach, and went through his dresser for a clean shirt and jeans. He dressed methodically, trying to keep his thoughts at bay on how Hanzo was going to react any of this. Mccree was unsure of how he was going to handle being alone again. He finished buttoning up his shirt, and looked around the room for his hat.

He couldn’t see it; it wasn’t on his dresser, or on its hook near the door. He needed his hat if he was going to talk to Hanzo about all of this. If he was about to make a major change in his life. He searched the room from floor to closet, still unable to find it. He let himself drop onto the bed, and let out a rough sounding sob. He pulled Hanzo’s pillow to his face, and just cried loudly, the noise muffled. He couldn’t do this without his hat.

Mccree nearly jumped out of his skin as he heard knocking on the door. It was louder than usual, but he was sure of the pattern: it was definitely Hanzo. He could probably hear him crying, the man was probably worried for him. He forced himself to get up. As always, Hanzo was one step ahead of him, knew him better than he knew himself.

He sucked in a big breath, and got up to open the door. Hanzo’s arm was raised, ready to knock again; he wasn’t going to give up so quickly this morning on getting Mccree to answer him. Hanzo’s face fell when he saw him, eyes going soft and a frown lines creasing across his forehead. He stepped forward, cupping Mccree’s cheek.

“No,” Mccree said, recoiling from the touch; it hurt him to see Hanzo stutter forward, confusion flashing across his face. This had to be done. “We need to talk.”

“Yes,” Hanzo replied, voice sounding unsure. He walked into Mccree’s room, standing awkwardly in the middle of it, feeling unwanted and uncomfortable in a place where he once felt at home. “About yesterday - “

“Hanzo, yesterday - “ They both started at once, stopping together. Hanzo made a gesture to Mccree to start, and for a moment Mccree wanted to yell at him to continue first, for Hanzo to make the first move. But Hanzo always made the first move, and it was his turn now. His turn to step up to the plate and make things right.

“I must apologize for the way I acted yesterday,” He started, sounding too stiff and too formal for Hanzo’s liking. He stood quietly though, not wanting to interrupt Jesse, he could tell that this was difficult for his friend and lover. “I wasn’t expecting you to say such things, and they caught me off guard.

“You have to know, that I care deeply for you - you're the best friend that I have ever had - you do not need to ply me with meaningless platitudes. I was hurt by the things you said to me yesterday, surprised by them.”

“What?” Hanzo’s voice was full of surprise. “What are you talking about?”

“You - you said I love you to me! I don’t want that - “

“I have said that to you every day for the past six weeks, Jesse!” He yelled, throwing his hands in the air. “Are you telling me that you only just realized now? What do you think we have been doing for the last six months?”

“I don’t know - best friends with really good benefits? It’s just easier for both of us to indulge our needs with each other,” Mccree said, looking everywhere but Hanzo. “We aren’t anything more than friends - “

“We have standing dates, we share our rooms! We have been dating for six months - how fucking delusional are you?” Hanzo took a deep breath to calm himself, pinching the bridge of his nose. He put a hand up to stop Mccree from speaking again. “Do you not want this? What we have?”

“We don’t have anything,” Mccree denied, shaking his head. He took a step back, continuing quietly, “I don’t get involved with people like that, you know that.”

“I’m not people - _Jesse_ \- “ He snapped his mouth shut, and clenched his jaw. He stepped forward, putting his arms out for Jesse. Mccree hesitated for a moment, then stepped into them bending his head down to rest on Hanzo’s shoulder; he put his hands gingerly on Hanzo’s hips. “We don’t have to continue anything if you don’t want. But, we’ve been involved for six months - “

“No,” Jesse wailed in return, not moving from his position. He shook his head, and Hanzo moved a hand to his hair. He was supposed to be putting an end to things. “This never works out - I’m no good with this kind of thing. I was just getting the hang of being best friends.”

“Jesse. I - “

“Don’t say it, I can’t take it if you say it.” He let out a quiet noise, his face wetting Hanzo’s shoulder. “I’m not meant for this kinda thing, Han.”

“You might not think that, but I do,” He assured him. “But, I will respect your decision - I won’t say it - can we still continue this?”

“You’ve really said it every day for six weeks?” Hanzo nodded, still stroking his hair. “I didn’t even realize you were telling me something important for over a month. I’m no good. It won’t work out.”

“Then it won’t work out. But don’t tell me that you’re too afraid to try.” He felt Mccree laugh into his shoulder, let out a small sob. He started walking them backwards to the bed, sitting them both down on it, Mccree’s head still nestled on his shoulder. “Why are you still crying?”

“I can’t find my hat,” He mumbled, finally picking up his head, he didn’t move his hands.

“Ah,” Hanzo said, releasing him. He gently removed Jesse’s hands, and crouched on the floor, reaching under the bed. He pulled out Mccree’s hat, and perched it on his head. “Here it is.”

“How - “

“Yesterday morning, you knocked it off me, then tucked it under the bed so it wouldn’t get trampled.” He leaned into Mccree’s space, pressed his nose against his.

“Yeah,” Mcree said, plucking the hat from his head, and putting it on his own head. “I don’t know if this is going to work - “ Hanzo kissed him. He melted into it, putting one hand on his arm, and the other behind his neck. They broke apart, foreheads touching. He felt himself wanting to try, if only to prove to Hanzo it would fail. But at the same time, he wanted this to go on for forever. Mccree knew that it couldn't.

“Hope for the best.”

**Author's Note:**

> holy shit. i can't believe i even finished this - this is my third attempt of getting this story done, and it was supposed to be no more than 1500 words. apparently, i couldn't control what was happening. 
> 
> this is not beta'd but i read like three times. if you see glaring errors, please let me know.
> 
> thank you so much for reading, i hope you enjoyed. 
> 
> and, if you would like, pop by my [tumbles](http://jellybeanchili.com)!


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